I just finished reading the Autobiography of Malcolm X.  The X stands for the African last name he would never know, erased by slavery.  Malcolm X was a truly honest man.  He was a fiery, passionate speaker of what he understood as truth.  I want to be like that.  I don't want to hold back.  I think back to those times, and white people, you understand what I'm talking about, when I've heard a friend or acquaintance make a racist joke, and I've just given them an awkward grimace, not wanting to offend them by censure.  But silence is racism.  Silence perpetuates the problem.  Malcolm X's vigorous and thorough dedication of his life to end racism has helped me realize that I cannot call myself a Christ-follower and NOT speak out.  So I'm going to try this new thing called courage, and I'm going to reject racist jokes of all kind, no matter how rude I am perceived to be.  

People like to justify racists jokes, because they're "harmless" or "just for fun,"  but jokes of that nature couldn't be more serious for several reasons.  First, they consciously or unconsciously hurt interracial relations.  In most cases, the joke perpetrator would not share the joke with members of the race it offends.  That creates a facade, a veil of truth. A "Here's how I act with my own race, and here's how I act with them,"  kind of mentality that obscures true solidarity.  Second, the jokes proliferate a false levity that has no place associated with racism.  The manner of a joke is such that humor is expected to ensue, but how are we justified a laugh at something that has its origins grown in slavery, rape, battery, and murder?  Third, the jokes cultivate an undeserved sense of superiority.  By saying the joke, one has placed his or her self into a position above the race at which the joke is aimed. "It's funny, because, clearly, 'we' wouldn't do anything so ridiculous."  

Post-1964, when white people asked Malcolm X what they could do to help his cause, he would say, "Where the really sincere white people have got to do their 'proving' of themselves is not among black victims, but out on the battle lines of where America's racism really is--and that's in their own home communities; America's racism is among their own fellow whites.  That's where the sincere whites who really mean to accomplish something have got to work."  America has come a long way since the Long, Hot Summer of 1964, but we are still not bigotry-free.  If you say you are an unprejudiced person, then you will take a stand for what you claim and reject prejudiced-attempts at humor.

A stream bubbling through the desert;
Just a breath of hot air and it vanishes into the sand.

One kiss to heat the heart to flames,
Yet the body is mostly water.

To hold so delicate a golden butterfly, this fragile monarch.
The hand that opens loses and the hand that closes crushes.

I'm given boots to walk the tightrope.
Narrow is the string, but I don't have far to fall.

Roses bloom where the dead have fallen. 

Where does the 'I' in 'I think' come from?  In virtue of what am I me?  If I am just a thinking thing, how is there an 'I'?  What is conciousness?  How did consciousness evolve? What is qualia if not our consciousness recognizing the products of our sense faculties?  I'm a quarter of the way through Dennet's Consciousness Explained, and so far, I have more questions than explanations. 

Once again, the 'Horses' Heads / Were Toward Eternity.' 

One of my co-workers died this weekend.  She put her fire alarms on her table and took a nap.  Then her heater caught on fire. 

Accidental deaths like these are always disgustingly shocking.  Life stolen so cruelly never ceases to suck the breath from my chest. 

I say words like 'stolen' and 'cruelly.'  What's so cruel about the processes of nature?  Who stole that life?  No, it's just my personification of nature.  Lady Fortune spins her wheel.  Death kindly stops for me.  But in the end, the capricious operations of nature act in accordance with rules and randomness. 

God, I don't know what kind of role you play in our lives.  I don't know how much you truly do interact with us.  I just pray that it's more than I think and less than I want.  I want a reason for St. Augustine's 'shadows.' But as much as the arbitrariness hurts, it seems necessary. 

Sometimes there is just nothing to say.

I'm uncomfortable watching time slip away.  I wish I could preserve each moment so that it is instantly accessible.  Beyond that, instantly relivable would be desirable. 

But there is something precious about the future too.  New moments and new experiences to look forward to. 

I just hate the fact that some moments with those you love are not relivable and there are no new moments to look forward to. 

C'est la vie, non? 

Ten years have slipped away now, since that sordid day.  Yet the sting never abates.  Tomorrow promises a brighter day.  But tomorrow is a liar.  I've come to accept my scars.  Painful though they may be, they are a thing of beauty.  Whispers of my past, culminating into--amassing--creating a different version of myself.  So much can happen in ten years.  Every day pushes me farther away, and yet the past is reachable instantaneously.  I suppose moments of true significance are those that become seared onto the brain.  The human mind is a fascinating thing.  In a flash, our memories of sights, sounds, and emotions can be experienced in the present. I wish we could remember everything that we experience.  Yet it seems our brain pushes out a lot. 

It's too late. 

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to kindled." -- Plutarch

Why is knowledge looked down upon so much in our culture?  Seriously now, is being smart such a bad thing?  Being in college, and with a brother entering highschool, I can look back on the all the drama of highschool and laugh.

Gaining knowledge is much more than a race to be the smartest or to get a letter on a piece of paper.  Knowledge helps define a person according to the material with which they fill their mind.  We can be an empty vaccuum of vapidity and insipidness OR we can be an enlightening symphony of meaning and aesthetic fulfillment.  Your choice.  One would presume this is a straightforward decision.  I'll actually reach that point--that cruelly unforgiving point--that knowledge is desired.  When of all a sudden, ignorance is thrust upon me and I e.m.b.r.a.c.e. it.  Why is striving after knowledge such a difficult task for us?  Blaise Pascal's Pensees hold the answer to this dilemma. 

Why is it that we amuse ourselves?  Why do kings chase after foxes? To muse means to think.  'A' is the greek prefix that negates a word.  That's right; you guessed it-- 'a-muse' means to 'not think.'  So why do we not think?  We use amusement as a distraction.  We distract ourselves from our own depravity and ultimately, our own death.  We avoid the thought of death like the plague.  (no pun intended) 

It is POINTLESS, USELESS, and STUPID to avoid thinking about our death.  By no means are we supposed to be morbid, but if do not prepare for life after death than we have lived a foolish life. 

Sartre was a nihilistic French philosopher who believed that this life was it.  He didn't believe in God or life after death.  I ask--what is the point of that philosophy.  Believing that there is no God is the least logical decision to make.  You have nothing to lose if you are correct, but if you are wrong, you have everything to lose.  It appears that the smartest choice would be to believe in life after death and thus, a Creator/God.  Incarnation is out of the question because it does not address how we got here and who designed this planet to run this way. 

All to say, we must strive to fill our minds with knowledge; we must seek to understand God.

I feel like Jonah.  Granted, I'm not as a reluctant Jonah as Jonah was, but I'm still feeling God's hand moving me in directions that I am less than willing to head towards. 

1.  Young Life

What even is Young Life??  I had never heard of it until I came here.  And I just signed up for it on a whim!  I didn't realize what a huge commitment it was.  Two years of service!  When I found that out, I slowly tried extracting myself from the weekly meetings etc.  Well, every SINGLE time I tried to skip, I believe that God has intervened.  The first time I was sitting downstairs in the lobby, and Gian (a Young Life buddy of mine) just HAPPENED to walk past on his way to Young Life and asked me if I was coming.  Other times it has been a phone call, and others have been more 'chance' run-ins.  Oh well, I'm in too deep now.  Ninev...I mean Young Life, here I come!

2. SMC

Now this isn't so much a Ninevah for me.  I actually kinda do want to be a floor's Spiritual Ministry Coordinator next year.  It's still another huge commitment, but this one is definitely more palatable to me.  It will be a major learning/growing opportunity for me--so that's good.

God just keeps on surprising me with His opening of doors and his little nudges that get me through them.

The general trend has been that the Republicans emphasize freedom by offering more choices, and the Democrats have empasized equality through programs like Affirmitive Action and Social Security. 

School vouchers give people the freedom to choose from more schools, thus leveling out the playing field more than it currently is--thereby advocating equality.  So how anyone can oppose this I do not understand.

There are a couple of objections. 

1.  Where would the government get the money to fund school vouchers?
Easy.  Instead of putting America's tax money into the public school system, put them into vouchers.

2.  Well that's not fair!  Wouldn't everyone leave the public schools thus causing them to close?
Just because a school is public, does not mean the education is bad.  Generally private school education is better, but not always.  Thus it won't neccessarily be all the public schools that close down.

3.  That's still not fair!  Schools would have to close down!  Isn't that bad?
No.  If a school has poor education, the students should have the choice to leave.  If a school has good education, then the students will want to stay.  The BAD schools will shut down thereby creating a more competitive environment in which schools will have to up the ante of their curriculum if they want to survive.  Teachers will have to have more motivation in order to maintain a job as well.

4.  What about all the teachers who might be fired?
What about them?  America's economy has thrived due to capitalistic competition.  America's education will thrive due to an increase in educational competition.  If a teacher loses his or her job due to lackadaisical behavior, then it is no different than the all the other thousands of Americans who have to work to keep their jobs.  School vouchers do not allow the opportunity for being too comfortable in one's job.

5.  What about school size?  Won't schools fill up?
Where one school fills up, another can open.  Besides, there are plenty of academically great schools that are far from capacity and there are plenty of terrible schools that are overflowing with children.

6.  Most of the academically rigorous schools are private, and most of those are affiliated with religion in one or the other, how can the government fund school vouchers without violating the separation between Church and State?
The vouchers are not going directly to the schools; they are given to the families to spend on what school they will.  This principle is no different then that of Social Security.  The government sends Social Security checks to the elderly or widowed (through our taxes), and these recipients can spend the money as they wish.  They can give the money to their church or not.  Just like the children can give this money to a religious school or not.  If the government does not allow for this choice, then they are taking away the children's freedom of religion by not allowing them to go to a school that supports their beliefs. 

School vouchers will open up opportunities for underpriveleged children to attend schools normally filled with the children of the elite and wealthy.  School vouchers will also cause an amelioration of America's educational system due to heightened competition.  Why would we want to prevent this?

Addendum 12.30.08:  Now, I'm inclined to think that God's omniscience can be maintained AND He is not responsible for the advent of evil.  God knows all that can be known.  The future cannot be known, as it does not exist. 

The Cause of Evil (Jan 14 2007)

God allowed evil to enter the world.  People try to pass sin off as something out of God’s control.  I would argue that the entrance of sin in the world/the eating of the tree of knowledge of good and evil was all part of God’s plan.  Romans 8:28.  This is why:  God is omniscient.  Thus, if one believes in complete free-will, by giving Adam and Eve the ‘choice’ to eat of the tree, He essentially allowed evil into the world.  He knew what they would choose.  Because He is omniscient, He knew that Adam and Eve would choose to eat the fruit.  So by allowing them to eat the fruit, He allowed sin to enter the world.  Take, for instance, a neighbor who has a dog.  One day, he purposely does NOT chain his dog to the fence, KNOWING that the dog would run to the next door neighbor’s yard and tear up their flower beds.  So by allowing the dog to run free, he allowed the dog to tear up the neighbor’s yard.  This analogy applies even more-so to God’s case, BECAUSE He truly DOES know what He is doing, since the neighbor can’t 100% know what his dog will do.  Thus God allowed evil to enter into the world.

God is Omniscient (Jan 14 2007)

 In response to God being the cause of evil, someone once attempted to counter by saying that God wasn’t omniscient.  I responded back that if that were the case, time would be out of His control which would make Him not God (not omnipotent.)  Then he responded that God limits His knowledge.  He purposely refuses to know the future.  Besides God not having any reason to limit His knowledge, that idea does not make sense.  For this reason:  God is not becoming; He is being.  God is perfect.  Thus, if as time went on, God’s knowledge changed…(because through the acquisition of knowledge, His mind gained more knowledge), then He would either be changing for the better or for the worse.  One cannot change and stay the same.  So if He changed for the better, then He was not already perfect.  And if He changed for the worse, then obviously, He is becoming less perfect.  Thus, God is omniscient, and He doesn’t limit His knowledge in any way. 

GAR!