My dad used to make something that he called an 'army candy bar.'  He put coffee creamer (I think) into some tin foil and grilled it.  Wow, it was delicious...

Anyways, I can't wait to go to Texas...mainly because I just want to get out of school and every day I'm not there is blissful freedom.  I don't want to think anymore.  I can't contract senioritus yet, so this must be junioritus or something.  Bizarre.  Yeah yeah yeah, I'll work hard still; I'll end the year strong. I just don't want to.

Icecream is yummy.

I just watched Seven.  What a disconcerting movie.

Failed Future Pushkin

The silent dreams of yesterday's ambition are dashed.

Crushed under foot are the quiet prayers of lost time.

Like a sharp whip, across my broken face tears are lashed.

Not sick thievery, just diamonds destroyed in this crime.

Anthrax smokes into ubiquitous fog from ground bones.

My mind, my heart, and my soul will from in running drones.

The threat of forgotten future overwhelms my all.

Into this forbidden chasm of closure I crawl.

Here I banish all my hated ideals to hell.

I am haunted by the grieving ghosts of repressed dreams.

Never is there time to release my childhood screams.

So all my future, in the cave of my soul I quell,

Forever to feast upon the bitter flavor of delicasies never tasted,

Forever to see all my beautiful pleasure-filled dreams wasted.

I wrote that last night in my frusteration, and oddly enough, during the SAT today, I felt a calm sense of assurance.  It took me a while, but now I'm finally seeing things in perspective.  I am now at peace with what I am to do.  YES! 

And as a side note, I managed to incorporate some Pascal in my essay answer--thank you Mr. Jain!

AGH!  Why is my mom out to get me???  Yesterday, after school, Shekeria needed a ride home.  So I asked my mom, and she said that I could give her one.  Shekeria was hungry, so we stopped at a little Jamaican place to eat some curried chicken, plantains etc.  Afterwards, I hung out at Shak's house for a few mintues.  When  finally got home, my mom was furious at me!   She said she got worried because I got home so late.  (I can understand I guess) and that we needed to go to my grandma's.  So anyways, she just told me that because of that, I am grounded from AIM and from going anywhere with my friends for 2 weeks!  What is that!?!  I've NEVER been grounded.  I knew that my mom was upset at me for so called 'losing the debit card'(which I DIDN'T do), but I don't know why she grounded me.  I've NEVER been grounded.  ARGH.  *throws up hands in frusteration*

Heraclitus is right.  The way up is the way down.

You know what I've decided I hate...it's those little ad banners that say, "Hit the monkey with the banana and get a million* dollars!"  Those ads bother me so much.  And if you look at the little 'concordance' for the asterisk, you'll see a note that says, 'when you sign over your soul.' 

The sickness is astounding.  The pain is enthralling.  Wash me with waves of pure hate.  Oh delightful misery.  Oh sweet agony.

So I had to take the freakin APs till freakin 4:15 today.  Exciting, huh?  I think my brain is dead.

Tears of the dead are useless.

Why is it that so many of my friends want to die?  Why is it that I'm always right there at the nick of time?  Why do I have to hold their life? 

Wow, I'm such a lazy bum; I haven't updated this since March. Anyways, I'm really stressed right now.  My mom seems to think I'm another version of Breakman or something.  Honestly, yes I have been screwing things up, but it ISN'T my fault.  Yes, I'm involved, but you can ALWAYS trace it back to my mom.  For instance, my mom told me to get a job.  Ok, so I go train as a lifeguard.  Unfortunately, because of the ACT, I had to skip a course.  The next time I can make the course up, so I can get certified, is in June.  So my mom blew up at me about how she's going to have to cancel our huge month long trip in June because she is ALWAYS accomodating my schedule.  It's not like I missed the course intentially; I HAD to take my ACT.  So it's not my fault, but my mom is turning this whole situation (plus others) into my fault, and now I just feel awful.  Don't you just love rants?

Time - by me (my true feelings on all this rot--this is my shortened version)

My hourglass has broken.
I feel need to cross the Styx,
Yet I'm missing my token,
And my clock constantly ticks.

I need this draining clock to stop,
Because sick time slowly consumes me.
I hate to see the second hand drop.
My restless soul itches to break free.

Pictures are my precious Soma
The oblivion of my mind.
I long to stay in this coma,
Yet all I'd rather just rewind.

Time does not bind the Divine,
And all mortals worship it.
Time inebriates like wine.
Oh how I DESPISE this pit.

I'm addicted to this pain
Living for every second.
In the end, it's all in vain,
Yet time's fingers still beckon.

I'm supposed to be in New York right now...*frustrated* 

Spring Break is nice so far; I've been hanging out with friends and sleeping.  Sleep-one of my favorite past times.  Oh it's so annoying--my brother woke me up at 10 this morning telling me about how a hurricane is coming.  It's friggen March!  He must think I'm an idiot.